I know I have not blogged in a long while. I just haven't had the energy or enthusiasm to write. Nor have I wanted to write about anything. Things are going the way they should, I would suppose, for a wife & mother.

Today, I realized I have hit a breaking point. I think at least. I tried on a skirt today, and last summer it was very loose-fitting on me. Today, it was quite snug. I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I am not disgusted with the way I look, but with how I am letting myself get away from me. I tell myself everyday, that tomorrow I will start working out again. I get home from work around 2:30pm and my husband is sitting on the couch watching tv. So I enjoy some peaceful time with him watching a show or two of our favorites. I then realize that by the time he is getting ready for school, I am either leaving to get Sean or figuring out what to do for dinner (which I am horrible at by the way). We just started with Sean going to daycare only two days a week. He goes on Tuesdays & Thursdays. We did this so we could save some money. But money is not the subject of why I wanted to write this evening. I just completely lose track of time and feel like I have no energy when I get home. Plus it does not help I have not adapted the healthiest eating habits. Eating snacks late at night and drinking two (maybe even three) can sodas a day. My water intake is almost non-existant. I am just becoming what I never wanted to be.

I would go to the gym with two friends a few months back before her fiance came home & the other one moved away, and I was feeling great. But since the one's fiance came home and the other moved away, I have yet to get a gym membership and start getting back into the groove of things. It is starting to depress me almost.

Plus talking about friends, I am starting to feel I have no friends anymore. Well, I have friends, but none that are close or actually want to hang out with me. My best friend moved to Groton, CT in January. I also had another close friend move to Rock Hill, SC a while back (but I would see her from time to time). It just seems important events bring us close friends together.

I have tried to make friends. Really, I feel like I have tried. But it seems everyone is either too religious or things just get in the way of us hanging out. I have tried to make friends with single ladies (or ladies without children), but they always seem to plan stuff so last minute that it is hard to do certain things with a child. And then trying to make friends with other mothers is just difficult. They always seem too grown-up and just don't mesh well with my husband and I because we are so young. I have two mothers that come to mind when I think about "mothers I get along with" and they are both workaholics almost. They are living completely different lifestyles from me. I try to plan something with them, and they are the ones that something comes up (and it almost always seems to be work or something else).

The only reason friends have been in my thoughts today is because my husband went out with our roommate tonight to play the boardgame Risk with some friends. I am sitting at home, alone (well the kid is here alseep) because no one wanted to come over. I will say the only way I let people know today that I was available was through posting it on Facebook. So I guess I can't really be upset at anyone for being alone tonight, except being upset with myself. I just hate being stuck at an in-between. I am not old enough to understand certain other mothers and I am too settled-down for certain other single lady-friends.

I did start to make friends with one young woman. She was going to actually be helping us out with my son, and watching him (before the daycare offered that he could stay there for only two days a week). She was a nanny to two young boys (one was around Sean's age, the other one was school-age & older). But the day I tried to get in touch with her to bring the boys she nannied over to hang out with us one weekend, I found out she had passed out. I was a little distraught that week. I thought about how I wasn't supposed to make any new friends.

Life is moving on. I am happy for my two friends who have moved on and are making their life! I wish I could take that big next step. I am married and have a son, but have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life besides be the best mother & best wife I can be. My son will be starting school in a little over a year and my husband is attending college for something he loves doing. But I sit back and wonder what it is I want to do. I know I don't want to become overweight & unhappy. I also know I want to make new friends. I also know I want to move on in life and figure out what I want to do. I don't want to be at TJ Maxx for the rest of my life.

I feel like maybe updating every few months is my new thing. Hehe.

Things have been going pretty good! Sean is great. He is loving daycare still. He is learning so much everyday. He got grounded for the first time on Monday. He has been having a pretty hard time going to sleep at nights (staying up as late as 11:30pm some nights). Well Monday night was one of these nights, and when I walked by his door and saw his light still on at 11:00pm, I opened his door to find him standing on his bed drawing all over his wall. Oh boy was I fuming. We removed his tv and art desk from his room that night and told him no tv for five days. He seems to understand that coloring is only for paper because I would re-explain to him everyday that coloring is for paper and not walls, and he would apologize for coloring on his walls. I hope that it worked. Today we went to a kid's fun day at our local park. It was tons of fun. They had a bounce house and a bounce slide and tons of free booths set up, giving away items to the kids. Sean had popcorn, an ice cream sandwich, and half a waffle. He loved it. We waited in line (the only place that had a line) for the balloon man, and he made Sean a green monkey (that mommy accidentally popped the body to on the way to the car later).

We are still living in the apartments, and getting a house in November, when our lease is up, isn't looking very feasible at the moment. The place Derek would like to move to, we would have to contact them with a month or two in order to get our house in the building process. I mean, it's not because it is expensive, our credit is still not that wonderful We are working on it now though. We are doing a lot better financially and are really understanding how to pay stuff. We still don't have savings, but we aren't struggling anymore. We may have found a place to rent-to-own if they haven't sold their house by November. Derek talked to them and they said they would do that for us. And it is right next door to some of our friends.

Derek is still working for my Dad, but is going to go to school this Fall. At least that is what I am hoping he is going to do. I would really like for him to get out of manual labor so he doesn't work himself into the ground like my Dad is doing. Plus I would love to see Derek doing something he loves doing; drafting/architecture. But for him to go back to school, I would need to get this new job I applied for. I still work at TJ Maxx part-time, but I had a friend refer me to Moore Orthapedic because they were looking to hire. I am not sure what to call the position they are hiring for, but I would be doing a little bit of everything; clinical, desk work, and managing phones. I don't have any experience, but told her I was willing to learn! And she said that I didn't necesarily need experienc just the drive to work and learn. I would be full-time, 8am to 5pm (later somedays if they need me) and every other Saturday. I am kind of excited, but at the same time very nervous. I have never had a full-time job, but I am really hoping I can handle the hours. I won't know until I try though, that is what I keep telling myself. Plus I will be able to get me and Sean under health insurance. The pay raise is what I am looking forward to, and is the top reason I am looking into it. I already told Derek not to get too pissy towards me when I get grouchy for working so much. Haha.

Me and Derek have been doing great! I have been slowly learning who I really am and Derek is learning to make me happier. We are definitely a weird couple, and a little more out there than some. Hehe. I'll leave it at that.

Oh we got a puppy too! His name is Mojito. :)

He is the perfect puppy for our family, I think. He has energy, loves to play, and was potty trained! Lol. He is also in the process of being trained, which he is taking to all the commands pretty quickly. We just have to keep working on them, because he will have days where he won't listen at all.

Oh and last night our apartments caught on fire. Well it wasn't our building, but it was two buildings away from ours, and scared me to bits on my way home. I had a knot in my stomach and was snappy towards everyone who tried to talk to me. I have some photos on my Facebook of the fire. I donated to them this morning at our kid's fun day (the Waffle House booth had a donation box set up for them). I feel so horrible that everyone in that building lost everything. Here are two links from two different stations on what happened:
http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=12366814
http://www.wltx.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=86633&catid=2

And since this has happened, we are definitely looking into renter's insurance. The amusing thing is, we had talked about getting right after we got our tv, but Derek said it seems our apartments are pretty safe and we shouldn't need it... ha, I guess he was thinking in case of a break-in. Now we have more reasons to get it.

I hope everyone is having a safe and sound Saturday night. Especially to all the Prom-goers (Prom is tonight for some of the high schools in our city).

Well it has been quite a few weeks it seems since I have been on here. Our internet bill got put on hold and our internet was cut off until we had extra money to pay it. My interviews all went very good, except Charlotte Russe. I didn't get a call back from them after my interview. I guess they didn't want me. I am going to call them tomorrow, just in case though. Party City was just a seasonal job, since Halloween is right around the corner they were hiring for that season, and she recommended I go to my other interviews if they are better prospects. TJ Maxx was it. I got called back and started within the week. I was out on the floor on the first day, thank goodness. I prefer to be out there organzing it all. It is not up to my standards... ever. That place is always so messy. I barely get through half of it by the end of my shift. It sucks, I have to skip things I want to fix in order to get it looking presentable. The past few days they have been training me on a register just in case they need more help. Today was a good day for that experience, I got called up as soon as I clocked in. And today was my first tardy day. :( It is about a 25 minute drive, but the way their system works if you are supposed to be at work at 4:30pm and you clock in at 4:31pm, you are considered tardy. That was what happened today. I was only ONE minute late, but late by their standards. I wanted to leave the house at 3:45pm, just to keep myself on the safe side and Derek opened his mouth saying I left so early. I have been leaving 45 minutes before my shift starts so I am NOT late. Gah, he made me late. Haha. I told him I would wait an extra 10 minutes... well I didn't end up leaving the house until 4:00pm... and ran into a few traffic jams along the way. Grr.

Everything else is dandy. Me and Derek have been great! I think we are still going to see a marriage counsellor once we get back on our feet financially. As soon as he finds a job, or I find a second job... whichever comes first, we are going to start looking for another place to live. We were going to try and buy his sister's house off of her if she was able to buy a different house but she didn't get approved. So she is staying in her house and we are on the look for another rental, it seems. I would stay here until we could buy something, but with my parents staying here, it is just stressful. I hate coming home to a dirty house. And I know no one else seems to understand my standards of clean. It would just be easier. Plus me and Derek have only lived out on our own for like two or three months... and that was only a few months ago. We have never really been in a house by ourselves. I am ready to feel that again. We are going to hope the landlord is okay with keeping our deposit, and letting my parents use it so they won't have to worry with saving that much back... and can save to switch the electric, water, and cable/internet over to their name. :) I gotta talk with my mom about it and see how much time they need. Hopefully it won't be too long and they can save that up... because I would like to use the money that Derek is going to get from this next job towards our next place... put it away and save it. He'll be doing that, hopefully this week! We shall see.

This past weekend was mine and Derek's fun weekend. I don't think we have got to have fun in quite a few months, probably since Derek lost his job. Derek went out Friday night and we ended up meeting up with them after they had their guy time. Them being Michael (Lisa's boyfriend) and Derek; us being me, Lisa, Alison (Lisa's bff), and Anslie (my sister). She is 18 now so she went to her first club with us Friday night and enjoyed herself. :D Derek ended up staying out a lot later than I anticipated. We left the guys about 2:30am and headed home. I woke up at 7:30am with Sean in bed with me and Derek wasn't there... and he wasn't in the living room. I freaked out and sent him a text. He had called Alison, because she wanted to still drink after we all went home. They went and bought beer and sat out at the lake and watched the sunrise talking. Alison said she has some funny things to tell me, haha. Saturday night we went bowling and spent most of our fun money that night. I didn't spend a dime Friday night... ladies get in free, and I got a free drink because the bartender knows us. :D Saturday night we spent $50. Friends from out of town wanted to meet up and go bowling.

But since I have been staying up late the past few nights... tis the reason why I am up at 2:00am and not realy feeling tired. I mean my body is exhausted... feet and legs are sore from work. I stand on my feet for four hours and whine like a baby about it. Hahahahaha. But my mind is wired.

I am going to go dig into my cookie dough Derek pulled out (thanks to Jake for bringing that over Friday night to our cookout we had here... OH funny videos from that night will be posted up on Facebook) for me and drink me some Dr. Pepper while I find something to do on this computer. I haven't been online in so long, I don't know what to do with myself... really I don't!